Scholz History Rant
I was on YouTube. Some man, alias Destiny, posture fierce, voice trembling with self-importance, declared that everything is unprecedented. Literally everything. Every breath. Every blink. Every fart in the multiverse. He meant it. He believed it. And I believed he had inhaled the last of human common sense.
Technically, yes, you could make a pedantic argument that he’s correct. Molecules never repeat themselves exactly. Quantum states fluctuate. Big deal. Congratulations. You have redefined “unprecedented” to mean “every infinitesimal speck of existence.” By that logic, vacuum is novel. Gravity is unprecedented. Your breakfast cereal is a historic anomaly. History itself is a hallucination. Absurdity. Utter, delicious absurdity.
And yet. Here is the inconvenient truth for our YouTube philosopher: humans are stubborn creatures, addicted to ritual, bound by continuity, allergic to novelty beyond a point.
Let’s review.
Holidays & Celebrations
Christmas tree – mid-16th century (Germany, NA 1800s)
A pine or fir, needles on the carpet. Ornaments, lights, tinsel. Every year. Nothing new. Nothing revolutionary. And still, children gasp. Adults sigh. Civilization endures on branches.
Stockings/gifts – early 19th century
Tiny socks, small pleasures, cheap plastic toys that last two days. Tradition survives because humans are weak for candy and expectation.
Advent calendars – early 20th century
24 tiny chocolates. 24 lessons in patience. Modern life still fails to improve on this minor miracle.
Christmas cards – 1843
Ink, paper, postage. Humans still send them, oblivious to digital “efficiency.” Connection endures because people crave ritual, not innovation.
Turkey dinners – 1621
Stuffing, gravy, disputes over drumsticks. Pilgrims, Wampanoag, Uncle Glen elbowing you aside. Ritual dominates novelty. Turkey wins. Always.
Pumpkin pie – 17th century
Sweet, spiced, mandatory. You can rebrand, Instagram it, call it “pumpkin tart deconstructed,” but centuries-old taste mocks you.
Thanksgiving football – 1876
Bouncing balls, beer in the living room, children screaming. Tradition is coded into DNA. Novelty is tolerated. Obedience is optional. Later Ad in super bowl commercials different but the same.
Halloween – 1920s–30s
Candy, costumes, mild anarchy. Still works. Children still run amok. Nothing disrupts the ritual.
Easter egg hunts – 17th–18th century
Chocolate eggs, hidden spots, chaos. The oldest game in the human book, still played, still magical.
National parades/fireworks (1776, 1867)
Flags, rockets, patriotic pomp. Identity survives even if politicians fail spectacularly. History lives in display.
Childhood & Youth Practices
Paper routes – late 19th century
Bag on shoulder, coins in pocket. Streets learned. Responsibility taught. Nearly extinct, but heroic when it persists.
Riding bikes – 1880s–1890s
Wind, scraped knees, fleeting independence. Every generation discovers it. The ritual laughs at the YouTube philosopher.
Birthday parties – 18th–19th century
Candles, cake, singing. Peer pressure refined into tradition. Humans cannot improve on perfection.
School field trips – late 19th century
Buses, museums, temporary escape. Curiosity survives centuries of bureaucratic interference.
Organized sports – late 19th century
Hockey, soccer, baseball. Win, lose, repeat. Ritual codified in sweat and hollers.
Graduations/yearbooks – 19th century
Caps, gowns, photography. Milestones marked, boundaries recognized. The world changes. The ritual remains.
Daily Life Rituals
Family meals – 17th–18th century
Dinner, conversation, scowls, laughter. Civilization encoded in mashed potatoes and gravy.
Library/book lending – mid-19th century
Books borrowed, read, returned. Knowledge circulates despite technology. The ritual mocks novelty.
Chores – 19th century
Snow shoveling, lawn mowing, babysitting. Responsibility passed from one generation to the next.
Community & Play
Playgrounds – late 19th century
Swings, slides, chaos, imagination. Children fight, negotiate, discover. Humanity lives here.
Neighborhood games – 19th century
Kickball, street hockey, hopscotch. Rules recycled. Fun eternal. Novelty impotent.
Scouting & youth clubs – 1902–1910
Knots, badges, moral lessons. Wars, depressions, pandemics cannot extinguish them.
So, YouTube philosopher, here is the brutal truth: history is not a hallucination, life is not all unprecedented. Turn on your streetlight. Look at the playground. Watch a kid blow out a candle. Watch a family carve a turkey. Books still circulate. Children still ride bikes. Birthday parties happen. Libraries survive. Traditions endure.
Novelty exists. Chaos exists. But continuity dominates. Ordinary life is a living archive, centuries in the making. Ordinary is radical. Ordinary is precedent. Ordinary laughs at “unprecedented.”
zeitgeistpublishing.blogspot.com/2026/03/history-rant-i-was-on-youtube.html
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